Emotions are simply psychological responses to the events of life. Martha Washington said, “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not our circumstances.” Emotions are great forces in every living being. Under the power of emotions someone can perform the most heroic as well as the most bastardly acts. Emotions determine the way an individual acts.
In the heart of every human being is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement makes victims to lose their mind. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love. Emotional intimacy is important to marriage as maintaining oil is important to an automobile.
Many married couple had found out to their chagrin that a perpetual honeymoon is not a reality. It is at this stage that many of them find out that the intimacies of married life are more challenging than courtship. The best way to achieve emotional intimacy is a mutual willingness to forgo personal preferences and see things from each other’s viewpoint. There will be no genuine happiness or permanent satisfaction without blending their preferences. When married couple comes to the realization that emotional intimacy is important, they are well on their way to the perfect adjustment by which happy marriage are made possible.
If couples are to develop an intimate relationship, they need to know each other’s desires. If they wish to love each other, they need to know what the other partner wants. The way you express your desires matters. If they are expressed as demands, they may erase the possibility of intimacy and alienate your spouse. If, however, you make known your needs and desires as requests, you are giving guidance, not commands.
When you make a request of your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities. You are in essence indicating that he has something or can do something that is meaningful and worthwhile to you. This will communicate to him emotionally that you care for him, respect and admire him and want to do something to please you. When you make demands, your spouse might comply but it is not an expression of love. It is an act of fear or guilt or some other emotion, but not love. Thus, a request creates the possibility for expression of love, whereas a demand stifles the possibility.
Your partner could be cheery and joyful; grumbling and whining; continually content; complaining and argumentative; hopeful and happy; discouraged and discontented. Whatever be the situation, you have the key to change the emotional climate in your home. Observe his body language – clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows. Watch out for signs that may give you clues as to what your partner is feeling. Sometimes his body language sends out one message while his words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what he is really thinking and feeling. As you try to understand your partner, more and more, your thinking will change from me to us. This goes to prove that you are having shared emotions- both exhilaration and despondency; of pain and respite from pain.
With more intelligent and broad-minded outlook on married life, the wife will realize that her husband has reason to look forward to the hours spent at home as providing a relaxation from the time spent at his office. Also, the husband will become reconciled with the idea that the home which he sees as he returns from work is not a happenstance but represents many hours of tolling and planning on the part of his wife. With mutual understanding, regard and appreciation for the efforts that are being put in toward the maintenance of the family and the home, neither partner will be unsympathetic or too demanding. Under this condition, tolerance will take place of selfishness, a depth of understanding will prevent the drawing of hasty conclusions; and a desire to contribute to the happiness of the home will outweigh those little disagreements and hurt pride which formerly serves as a core around which misunderstanding develops.
You can have a temper sometimes, and lash out at each other. But when it really counts, you have to be there for your partner. Barbara Rainey wrote, “Weather the storms of life by turning toward one another and building into each other rather than rejecting one another.” You must understand the importance of being a good partner. With act of will, of discipline, you can keep yourself calm and in command of the situations around you which also means being in command of yourself.
There is “a time to weep and a time to laugh.” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). You should never negate your emotions, but in the midst of experiencing them, your attitude can remain constant. Maintaining a positive attitude is not a feeling but an underlying outlook you have toward people and toward life. It represents a hope and faith that is rooted within your heart. The need to feel loved by one’s spouse is at the heart of marital desires.
There are people who brighten a room by their presence, while others brighten the room by leaving. You should be the former and not the latter. Jesus told his followers in Matthew 5:16 “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” As you shine with love, your partner will be drawn to you.
When a couple achieves emotional intimacy, their marriage will take on a new dimension. Some husbands and wives think they are spending time together when, in actual fact, they are only living in close proximity. They are in the same house at the same time but they are not together. One way to express love emotionally is to use loving words. Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. Think what the emotional climate of your marriage will look like if complimentary words are spoken by you regularly.
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