WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HONEYMOON

The honeymoon is the short transition period between marriage and the establishment of a home. Many features of courtship still blend into this period. At the same time many features of established home life begins during this period. Before the wedding, young couple usually has the blissful picture in their minds of having a lovely time with each other during honeymoon. During courtship there are still some restraints so couple looks forward to this time when they will be able to devote themselves unreservedly to each other. They anticipate the time when they will be liberated from the restrictions which society places on unmarried couples. During honeymoon therefore there is the development of boundless joy of belonging to each other. During courtship the young couple expression takes the form of many lovely acts of thoughtfulness which serve to amplify, emphasize, and illustrate the extent of their love for each other. But the complete expression of love between a young man and a young woman awaits the honeymoon when divinely ordained physical expression can take place. Honeymoon provides a proper and thrilling release for the pent-up tensions and urges that have increased throughout the courtship period. During the honeymoon when the newly wedded couple enters their bedroom, their hearts are full of joy. This is the time they have been waiting for. Before marriage some couples had been tempted to have sex, but they resisted the urge. Some succumbed to the desire. Now, the long awaited day has come.

and families approve. Sex is a wedding gift from God. In planning a honeymoon attention should be given to certain principles that have a direct bearing on determining whether the honeymoon will accomplish, what it is intended to accomplish in providing a proper setting for the adjustments which should be made during this period. The honeymoon experience sets the standard of what follows in the family life of the young couple. When planning the honeymoon it is very important that serious consideration is made for the newly wed to be absolutely alone, at least during the first few days of the wedding. This implies that their time should be spent away from the immediate environment in which they have friends and acquaintances. Many people believe in long trips and strenuous travel for their honeymoon but this should rather be avoided so as not to wear out the newly wed. With respect to the amount of time that should be allowed for the honeymoon, there is a possibility of going to extremes in either direction. A short honeymoon will not provide enough time for the young couple to do justice to each other in blending their personalities into a harmonious unit. When the honeymoon is too long it gives room for boredom to set in; this can lead to disagreements.

Marriage should be set at a time when adequate time can be set aside for the honeymoon. It is also important that enough funds should be available so that provision can be made for an enjoyable honeymoon. The global tour which wealthy people favor has many disadvantages. It requires that the young couple remain too long in the public eye. It is strenuous to plan, and usually requires such a long period of time as to risk the couple actually becoming tired of each other. A honeymoon that lasts as much as three months without any productive activities thwarts the purpose in the natural restlessness and anxiety that comes from long separation from everyday normal activities. The emotional readjustments at the time of the honeymoon are greater in the case of the bride than they are in that of the bridegroom. Seldom does marriage greatly change the man’s way of life as sharply as it does that of the wife’s. If the husband has been employed prior to his marriage the chances are that he will continue in the same employment after marriage. If the bride has been employed prior to marriage, however, it most likely she may relocate to her husband’s place of aboard if they were not in the place which will necessitate her changing job. Or she may devote herself entirely to homemaking after the wedding and honeymoon is over. When the man resumes his usual employment after the honeymoon, it is only natural that during the long hours the woman spends at home alone, she will become so lonely as to wonder whether the marriage means as much to her husband as it does to her. During this transition period the new husband should become familiar with the duties of the household. This not only gives him greater insight into the problems of maintaining a home but also gives her the reassurance that their home is of mutual interest and concern. What the newly wed couple should realize, however, is that the deeper satisfactions and genuine happiness of a properly adjusted marriage develop slowly over a period of time. And this involves a mutual willingness to forgo personal preferences and see things from each other’s viewpoint. With mutual regard and appreciation for the efforts that are being spent toward the maintenance of the family and the home, neither partner will be unsympathetic or too demanding. Tolerance will take the place of drawing of hasty decisions; and a desire to contribute to the happiness of the home will far outweigh those little feelings of jealousy and hurt pride which often serves as a nucleus around which misunderstandings develop.

EFFECT OF COURTSHIP IN MARRIAGE

Courtship is the period which an unmarried couple becomes personally and intimately acquainted with each other. It is during this period that the final decisions are made for or against the marriage. It is an interesting period because if the special friendship continues into marriage, the habits, customs and attitudes established during this period will set the pace for the type of relationship of later life. During the period of courtship, lovers should be able to decide on the advisability of their taking the solemn vows of marriage. Prior to courtship, a young man and a young woman have attracted themselves, largely on the basis of casual observations and exterior appearances. Some might have admired each other secretly for a longer or shorter period, this admiration being based on chance meetings and casual conservations rather than on proper knowledge of each other’s personalities. It is not uncommon for young couples to begin their courtship even before they are actually engaged to be married. In fact, it is desirable that their friendship should continue on the basis of a general understanding for a period of time before the young man actually proposes. The practice of young men marrying girls they rarely know well except for recommendations of relations is dangerous and should be discouraged. The early part of courtship is a period in which there should be an experiencing and demonstration of common interests. The time spent together should be spent on formal and informal social occasions. It is advisable for the girl to see her fiancé in working clothes and for the young man to become accustomed to his fiancée in a kitchen apron. Reasonable emphasis should be placed on the practical everyday life. A courtship

which is carried out while the young people live very far apart and see each other once in a blue moon is naturally artificial and risky. Practical setting for courtship is not possible in this circumstance. But where courtship is unavoidably artificial, the period of courtship should be prolonged more than those cases where it is possible for the lovers to develop their friendship in an everyday setting. Every normal, serious-minded young boy or girl should be sure in advance that his choice of a life partner is a wise one and that he has exercised reasonable precautions in avoiding such a friendship that might endanger his happiness. As friendship develops, certain traits of character and factors of personality are likely to become apparent. Doubts may arise as to whether the friendship is an ideal one and the young person should at this time try to re-evaluate the friendship as impartially as possible. Although, it is unwise to terminate a friendship brashly, because some human traits have manifested, every human being possesses certain fault of personality. The question we need to ask ourselves however is if the unsuspected trait or fault of personality is of sufficient magnitude to interfere with the progress of the courtship. Sometimes anyway, a young person may be so alarmed by observing faults in the personality of the fiancé/fiancée that the friendship has been terminated. Many people in this vain search for the perfect husband or the perfect wife, allowed the opportunities for a desirable marriage to finally pass. As courtship progresses, there should be no deep, dark secrets of things which in any way that may threaten the esteem of your partner. People who consider marriage need to learn to share their aspirations and dreams about who they want to become. They should express hopes about their future and exchange potential goals about what they hope to

accomplish in marriage and in life. They should discuss such important issues as whether or not they want to be parents and how many children they would want to have. The willingness to share opinions is a mark of trust in your relationship and an important contribution toward a clear understanding of one another. Absolute trust and fidelity should be maintained. Courtship however, is final step toward marriage and therefore constitutes the most important preparation for marriage.

TENURE ELONGATION -EXCERPT FROM DECADENCE AND POWER

One of the knotty points they encountered was the National Electoral Commission, Vincent Okoye. After the gaming had been nearly perfected, the caucus including Fox who at this time had assumed the unofficial headship of the project started reaching out to various sectors and interest groups whose roles would be vital to the actualization of the third term project. When it was time to reach NEC, these tenure elongation strategists encountered a near hitch which however took the intervention of Fox to clear. “The president is going to run again, of course, and when he does, he wants your support,” Mr. Fix-It said. “So why won’t Fox do the right thing by going home gracefully when his tenure expires?” Vincent Okoye asked. He still sometimes wondered if by choosing the path of maintaining his integrity, he had done the right thing. He was aware that Fox was likely to succeed taking the greed and gullibility of many politicians into reckoning. And if that be the case, fox would be in a position to punish anyone who had worked against his interest. And to reward those that had been helpful. “Professor, you don’t understand. The matter is not as simple as that,” Mr. Fix-It replied. Vincent Okoye was a professor in the university before he was appointed to be the Chairman of National Electoral Commission (NEC). “How? Most of our past leaders had attempted to over stay their welcome in office. But invariably all came out bruised in that effort. General Gowon told Nigerians that “1976 is not realistic” and was overthrown. When Babangida arrived at the scene, he started his unending transition process. When the heat became unbearable, he stepped aside. General Abacha was trying to change his army uniform for political garment (babariga) before he died. Nothing would have prevented him from transforming himself into life president. Now Fox is seeking for tenure extension. He should not mistake the silence of our people for acquiescence or weakness and the cacophony of the greedy and opportunistic people who parade the corridors of power as representative of the true feelings of the people. He was not elected to subvert the democratic process. Any of them, who advises him to extend the tenure of his administration, even for one day, have betrayed the trust of the people and is therefore a betrayer of the country’s democratic process, ” Vincent Okoye said.

“Mr. President is only out to do us a favor. At seventy years of age, the last thing he wants to do is further exert himself, ruling this difficult nation. But it is a call to duty by the people to save the nation from scoundrels angling to plunge her once again into the medieval chaos it had been in past years before he became president,” Mr. Fix-It said. “I hope you are not suggesting that this government has got the nation out of the huge woods in which it has been into a path of progress?” Vincent Okoye asked. “That’s ultimately what I’m saying and there are proofs.” “But let’s look at it critically. Would you say in all honesty, that the country is anywhere near the end of the tunnel? Is there any hard proof that the material condition of her citizens is significantly better today that it was a few years ago?” “I don’t know why you are behaving in such an undignified manner. The truth is that this presidency has unleashed forces which if properly harnessed will surely make Nigeria assume her rightful place in the comity of developed nations. A more rigorous analysis of the policies and actions of this presidency will show that. They may not be obvious to the unschooled, but only to seasoned political analysts,” Mr. Fix-It insisted. “Well, I don’t agree with you. But even if it is so that doesn’t justify the desperate push to amend the constitution as it affects presidential office. Like most Nigerians, I consider it exceedingly perfidious, indeed obscene. Whatever good the president might have done will be wiped out if he goes ahead to force himself on Nigerians. For me it is dishonest, unconscionable and self-serving,” Vincent Okoye said. Mr. Fix-It was a man who prided himself on maintaining an iron discipline over his emotions. He had learned at a tender age never to let his emotions surface for the world to take advantage of. “Let me tell you what you may not like to hear. The tenure extension will be carried out within the law and nothing can stop it. The press may yell all it wants against the plan but I do not think it will scuttle it. A year from now, those who are stridently opposed to the plan will realize their mistake.” Vincent Okoye was speechless, not able to take in what he was hearing. “Please, please, save me that uppity stuff. I would, of course, imagine that the messianic complex of Mr. President is a common disease among African leaders. They always believe there are the only persons who understand what is wrong with their respective countries, and the only ones who have the answer. Nothing can be more arrogant or is there?” “That is not what I’m saying…” “But that is what you imply,” he interjected. “Well, let me explain myself.” “Please do.” “You will agree with me that the Nigerian situation is quite a critical one. The economy is in the intensive care unit. The slightest mistake in attending to it can lead to a collapse altogether. Those who really care for the survival of this nation considered all these when they advised that the president’s term in office be constitutionally extended to enable him put the ailing comatose economy at least in stable condition before he quits.” “Come on, I hope you are not suggesting that the president must be personally be there to implement every policy he authored?” Vincent Okoye asked. “Not necessarily. Just that we are in a particular situation. The radical reforms introduced by Mr. President need careful nurturing and he is the best person to do so.” “Don’t you think that a president’s job is never completely done? And that this is why, every president must strive to build strong institutions to protect good policies from being arbitrarily upturned.” “That is right but it is not exactly the same in this circumstance.”

“Well, if you must hear this, let me say that the bid of the president to extend his tenure by all means is in itself an admission of failure of this administration. If after eight years, the president cannot trust his successor to carry through whatever good policies he may be leaving behind, then it shows that he was unable to build the right institutional framework to sustain such policies. This is to say nothing of grooming the right kind of person as possible successor.” “You’re letting your obsession with textbook political theories cloud your common sense. The matter is more complex than that. A lot more is involved and you may not understand, unless you have certain kind of information. What our nation needs now is not chance taking. It needs a tested leader who has learnt over the years what it would take to fix the many problems of the nation.” “I guise a tested leader is one who is able to fix something as simple as electricity supply. In several years, the country’s power supply situation has moved from bad to worse. And there is no indication that it will get better in the foreseeable future. Is that a good performance index for a tested leader? Look at the sleaze in the nation’s oil industry.” “Professor, those are not the issue now.” “So what is the issue if provision of infrastructures is not? Were you not arguing a while ago that he has done well? Yet, the facts hardly support that position. In any case, even if it does, the unrelenting opposition to this unjustified tenure extension ought to make those of you pushing it to back down. The whole essence of democracy is for the people to choose their leader.” “It may be. But have you taken a look at those who are warming up for the next election? How ideologically barren they are? Think of their antecedents. Are those the kind of people that should take over the leadership of this nation at a time like this?” “So what kind of people is the president prepared to hand over to if he does not like those who have so far announced their presidential ambition? You should at least know, given your place in this administration?” “I don’t know, but would you like him to hand over to any of the scoundrels masquerading as presidential aspirants?” “But whom has the president groomed? Or are you saying he is so self-centered he has not thought of grooming anybody to continue his self-declared economic miracles after his tenure?” “Some of you just choose not to understand the president’s fear for this potentially great country that he has sacrificed so much for.” “I wish that there is really something to understand in this matter. All I want to say is that Mr. President should do the right thing even if it is hard for him. It will earn him a better niche in history. Or you don’t think so?” “I do. However, the president owes a duty to the nation not to allow political jackals hijack the presidency.” “I agree, but this is not synonymous with defying the tenure limit.” Mr. Fix-It was a slim, black old man of eight five. Now he pursed his lips as though it tried his patience to deal with folks obviously less intelligent than himself. He was the chairman of Board of Trustee and acted as if he knew everything. Some politicians made fun of him, but he had his admirers, the president was one. “You can’t stop him,” Mr Fix-It interjected, waving away his protest.

JUDGMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION CASE BY NIGER DELTA COMMUNITIES AGAINST ORIENT PETROLEUM DEVELOPMENT COMPANY

On May 10, Chief Conference Kalama, Chief Dickson Bekinbo, Prince Godsday Dakoru returned to court for further hearing to their suit against Orient Petroleum Development Company. Raymond Smith representative of Greenpeace was also in the court. The plaintiffs wanted the oil firm to clean-up the pollution in their communities, repair and maintain defective pipelines to prevent further damages, and pay compensations to them for the destruction of their means of livelihood. The firm had consistently denied responsibility and refused to clean-up the sites. It also refused to pay compensations. “Through its action, Orient has demonstrated disdain for the wellbeing of communities that suffer due to imparts of its reckless exploitation of oil in Niger Delta. The company knew for a long time its pipeline was damaged but did not do anything even when it could have stopped the leaking pipes,” Raymond Smith, the representative of Greenpeace in Nigeria testified in the court. The case was filed in 2007 and had passed through a lot of legal hurdles, ostensibly set up by Orient. The suit had also gone through several judges due to transfers, and started afresh severally. “The communities were badly contaminated from spills which occurred in the communities in 2007. The pollution damaged 43 fish ponds, killed all the fish and rendered the ponds useless. Once-rich alluvial soils of our community are no longer viable for crops as more than a half-century of oil production and related damages continue to take a toll. Our fishing grounds have also been destroyed. We had to move away from our communities because if we caught fish and opened it up, we found oil; if we harvested cassava; we found it soaked with crude oil. The odor of crude oil was omnipresent and everything from drinking water to food was tainted with crude oil. Since then, we have been living by God’s grace and on the help of Good Samaritans,” Chief Conference Kalama said during cross examination. “The company had paid its part for the cleaning up of Niger Delta which amounted to more than 50 billion naira. There were 198 oil spills at Orient facilities in the Niger Delta in 2007, releasing 26,000 barrels of oil into the region; only 37 incidents were caused by operational failure. But the affected communities insisted that the number of barrels spilled from operational failure as reported by Orient was a far-cry from the actual amount of oil spilled and made ridiculous and outrageous

claims,” Paul Odion, Orient lawyer leading a team of Orient lawyers complained. “However, oil pollution is a problem in Nigeria, affecting the daily lives of people in the Niger Delta. The vast majority of oil pollution is caused by oil thieves and illegal refiners. Their operations cause major environmental and economic damage, and are really responsible for the tragedy in the Niger Delta,” Paul Odion continued. “For Orient, no oil spill is acceptable and my client is working hard to improve its performance on operational spills. In the past years, we have seen a decline in operational spill volumes. These spills, however, were caused by sabotage and we are asking the court, quite rightly, to dismiss the claims. Orient has made great efforts to raise awareness of the issue with the government of Nigeria, international bodies like the United Nations, the media and non-governmental organizations. My client will continue to be at the forefront of discussions to find solutions,” Paul Odion concluded. “A total of 16,083 pipeline breaks were recorded within the total of 10 years, while 398 pipeline breaks were caused by operational failure, the activities of unpatriotic vandals accounted for 15,685. The incessant attacks on the Trans Forcados Pipeline, (TFP) has rendered it impossible to evacuate crude oil/condensate from some Orient operated facilities,” deputy managing director said when he was cross examined. “The NNPC has spent over $42.952m to execute a two-phase repair work which started in September 2007 on 74 damaged points in System 2C-1 Escravos-Warri Crude Oil Pipelines to enable the startup of the Warri and Kaduna refineries. 8,105 breaks were recorded along the System 2E within the period representing about 50.3% of the total number of petroleum products pipeline breaks in the country. The attacks left the NNPC with a cost of 78.15 billion naira in product losses and pipeline repairs,” the group managing director of Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) told the court. “The system 2A product pipeline route which conveys products from Warri-Benin-Suleja/Ore depots rank second on the scale of pipeline break points with 3,259 cases representing about 20.2% of the total volume of products pipeline breaks in Nigeria. The figure also comes with a loss of over 20.39 billion naira in products and pipeline repairs. “The System 2B which carries products from the Atlas Cove-Mosimi-Satellite-Ibadan-Ilorin depots recorded 2,440 breaks leading to a loss of over 73.6 billion in products and pipeline repairs,” the group managing director of NNPC testified. “Niger Delta residents have never stopped complaining about the pollution of their farmland and waterways. We are ready to collaborate with the communities to hold the oil companies accountable for environmental damages because there is still a lot of oil lying around. These communities need to be cleaned up and compensated for the damage to their environment and their means of livelihood. Oil companies in Nigeria should adhere to the same standard as in the developed world,” Greenpeace representative, Raymond Smith said. The court held that Orient broke the law by not repairing leaks that destroyed the water for fishermen and fish farmers and the lands of the farmers.

“Orient wanted to pretend this was sabotage, but even it is, it is its responsibility to clean up the environment and pay compensation to those affected. This is why it has to pay something to the plaintiffs. I want to leave it to the company and the plaintiff to negotiate the amount, but where they fail to agree, this court will have to determine the compensation,” the Judge ruled. This was the first time that an oil company was being held responsible for failing to prevent sabotage. “This win has set a precedent, as it will be an important step that multi-nationals can be made more answerable for the damage they do in developing countries. We anticipate other communities in the Niger Delta will demand that oil companies pay for the assault on their environment,” Raymond Smith told Tosin Thomas, outside the court after the judgment. “Orient will negotiate the amount of damages with the plaintiffs. And it’ll pay compensation. We didn’t lose the case. It was not operational failure,” Paul Odion told Tosin Thomas. “It is sweet victory since over 50 years of oil exploration and exploitation in the Niger Delta. I think this will be a lesson for Orient and other oil companies not to damage people’s means of livelihood,” Chief Dickson Bekinbo said. The ruling had made it possible for other aggrieved Nigerians who suffered losses due to oil companies’ activities to seek judicial redress.

EXCERPT OF NIGER DELTA MILITANTS: Niger Delta Communities Take Oil Company to Court

For oil spillage which allegedly destroyed their means of livelihood, Raymond Smith, an environmentalist assisted some fishing communities in Bayelsa State, to sue oil giant, Orient Petroleum Development Company, demanding compensation of nine billion naira. In a suit at the Federal High Court in Port Harcourt, they claimed the spillage occurred on April 2007, and adversely affected their means of livelihood. The plaintiffs, Chief Conference Kalama, Chief Dickson Bekinbo, and Prince Godsday Dakoru filed the suit in 2007 on behalf of registered fishing cooperative societies and 272 fishing communities and villages on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean.

They also sued on behalf of fishermen on the banks of the estuaries, creeks and rivers of the coastal region of Bayelsa State. The suit had gone through several judges due to transfers and started afresh severally. The plaintiffs said they made 99 per cent of their income from fishing and fish farming. The water was pivotal to the life support systems of the plaintiffs and also fundamental to their socio-economic wellbeing. On February 23, 2007, the pipelines they alleged ruptured resulting in the spilling of over 7.6 million liters of crude oil into the Atlantic Ocean. The spill, the plaintiffs said, did not only destroy their source of livelihood, but violated their right to earn a living from natural resources available to them. Orient Petroleum had not taken any action to restore the natural resources destroyed as a result of the spill, they claimed. The plaintiffs were seeking a declaration that the defendant’s continued failure to restore the ecosystem of the lands and waters was unconstitutional and violated their rights to live in an environment favorable to their socio-economic development. The rights, they claimed, were guaranteed by Section 33 of 1999 Nigerian Constitution and articles 22 and 24 of the African Charter on Human and Peoples Rights. The plaintiffs prayed the court to nullify any document purporting to release Orient from paying them due compensation because the document related to an unconscionable bargain which was signed under economic duress and in breach of statutory provisions.

They were praying for an order that the defendants should commence post-impact remediation programs in respect of the plaintiffs’ lands and waters polluted by the defendant’s oil spill and do all such acts and things to clean up the environment of the plaintiffs and restore same to its original state. The plaintiffs were also seeking 8.0 billion as special damages, interest on the amount at 10 per cent per annum from February 20, 2007 until judgment and full payment; 1.0 billion as general damages for alleged infraction of their constitutional and statutory rights, and 10 per cent interest on the sum from the date of judgment, until full payment. Denying the plaintiffs’ claims, the company said while there was a spill, there was no evidence that it caused the damage the plaintiffs were alleging. Orient also questioned a report prepared by an environmental health assessment expert, Mr. Raymond Smith, which purportedly recorded the extent of damaged of the ecosystem. The firm exhibited before the court experts’ reports, which it said proved that the spillage could not have been so damaging as to warrant the suit and damages sought by the defendants. Orient’s lawyer urged the court to dismiss the suit for being gold-digging, frivolous and abuse of process. Justice Ibrahim Daniel adjourned the case till May 10.

IS LIFELONG MARRIAGE OBSOLETE

In most wedding ceremonies, exchange of rings is a very important stage. It is the outward and visible symbol that binds two hearts together. When marriage is falling apart, couples stop wearing the wedding ring. A man confessed that, “When my wife threw her wedding ring at me and angrily walked out of the house slamming the door behind her, I knew our marriage was in serious trouble.” This type of incident is common today when couples are impatient. Happy marriage does not happen automatically. It takes work; but the rewards make the works well worth the effort. What can be said to be the cause of the high rate of divorce in the world today? One of the reasons is the increase in dishonesty. Our material world has made people to move away from seeking the truth. People now lie effortlessly. Honesty is an important quality of anyone who strives to make the most of his or her marriage. Another reason is the lack of integrity. The love of the truth and what is right is the main source of integrity. There is virtually no virtue that does not originate from truth. One who is always fond of making flippant remarks about his spouse and always assuming a carefree demeanor, cannot have a successful marriage as one who bears about him the impression of a man among men by his integrity and decorous bearing. A woman of integrity when in the midst of difficult marital problems, will be able to see where she is, able to understand what the occasion calls for, and able to master her conditions instead of being overwhelmed by them. Throwing in the towel immediately there are challenges is wrong. Trying to justify it with a sorts of excuses is equally wrong. Couples that are married for years disagree but they find ways to agree. It is not possible for a couple to agree in all situations.

The erroneous belief that once you are married, you must be happy and if not you quit should be dicarded. When you took your marital vow, you gave your word to each other that you will do what you say you will do – to love, honor and cherish each other until death. But in reality, many couples don’t follow through. They stay in marriage only when things go smoothly. Once difficulties come, they separate or even divorce claiming, their needs are not being met by their partner; or “We are just incompatible.” Marriage would have been easier if husbands and wives were exactly alike. You are in agreement in every decision. You had nothing to argue about. But this is not natural. If there are no contradictions between you, no checks and balances, no disagreements or second opinions then the relationship is artificial. And artificial things are known to have short life span. Oddly enough, tension can be good thing. It helps marriage to grow strong. The first thing to do is to choose your spouse carefully. Don’t follow, “hit or miss” or “Trial and error” methods in the process you marry the wrong person, hoping someday luck will make the marriage work. I am not recommending, “Jump into the pool and swim or sink.” No sensible person should jump into a deep body of water, without first being proficient in swimming. Nor should any one embark upon marriage without the proper planning and preparation beforehand. Your planning and preparation should include attending marriage lectures in your church before your wedding so that marriage counselor can explain to you what marriage is all about. In addition read books on marriage. There are many good ones to choose from. It is a great thing to form a habit of improving the mind at every opportunity that you get, no matter how short the time or how small the opportunity maybe. Attend marriage seminars and listen to seasoned marriage counselors talk. You will soon recognize with joy the fact that your life has been enormously enriched and blessed. Remember when you took the marital vow; you didn’t say the vow to only your spouse but to God and all present at the wedding. Unfortunately, while God expects you to keep your vow, you fail to fulfill your obligation. You should not be surprised when challenges arose if you had been well counseled before the marriage, because there are normal in all marriages. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Claim of “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for divorce is inexcusable. You cannot just throw in the towel because challenges exist. Every couple has differences because no two persons exactly think alike. God created man and woman differently and they don’t think the same way, especially if they grew up in different environment and different culture. What has become obvious is that you have been unable to overlook your differences, so you gave up. Most of the divorces were probably needless. In other words, these couples didn’t divorce because of serious problem like physical abuse, substance abuse, or infidelity, but rather because if issues such as immaturity, changes in lifestyle, or incompatibility. Their commitment to their marriage vanished when it became inconvenient. You have to persevere through the tough times that are inevitable during blending of personalities, whether you are happy or not. Once you understand yourselves better then happiness will follow. Commitment is the cement that holds marriage together. It is the commitment of a couple to one another and their dedication to their marriage vow that actually seals the covenant made on the wedding day. It may interest you to know that you are not the only couple having marital difficulties. It is not all couples having problems head for the court seeking for divorce so why you. Some of the problems of these people are more complex than yours. No marriage is problem free. Some couples have had their own problems and found solutions; some are still having but still married. Marital difficulties come in all shapes and sizes. It could be financial, insensitivity, sexual problem, and lack of communication, barrenness or infidelity. When you run into marital difficulties first and foremost ask yourself what does God want me to learn from this experience? You can now go further to think of things you can do to complement your spouse’s weaknesses. How you can be a blessing to your spouse in this circumstance instead of a curse. Then look at your husband or wife with compassion and encouragement instead of disgust and frustration. Then you will be a lot happier. Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Most men take things for granted. They are not particularly sensitive to a woman’s feeling. So don’t become a crying baby because of this. Try to communicate to him what you expect. Make a conscious choice to overlook his weaknesses and focus on his strength. Plant in yourself the fundamental belief that marriage is for life, and try to make the best of it.

LIFE IS AN ADVERTURE

Your world skidded off its axis But you wanted an easy path to tread Life is a journey and each day A new adventure, so why give up Tomorrow is coming with whole New opportunities with it You can overcome your problems Stumbling blocks are but stepping Stones for the man who is Determined to succeed Strike while the iron is hot

When fate play you a trick Sit steadfast because to Eat coconut and drink its Water, you must remove Its hard shell. Stop acting like a child With a toy taken away Ability to detect the big Waves before they gather Momentum makes the Difference between successes And failures. That is the way of the world Turn away from shadows.