In most wedding ceremonies, exchange of rings is a very important stage. It is the outward and visible symbol that binds two hearts together. When marriage is falling apart, couples stop wearing the wedding ring. A man confessed that, “When my wife threw her wedding ring at me and angrily walked out of the house slamming the door behind her, I knew our marriage was in serious trouble.” This type of incident is common today when couples are impatient. Happy marriage does not happen automatically. It takes work; but the rewards make the works well worth the effort. What can be said to be the cause of the high rate of divorce in the world today? One of the reasons is the increase in dishonesty. Our material world has made people to move away from seeking the truth. People now lie effortlessly. Honesty is an important quality of anyone who strives to make the most of his or her marriage.
Another reason is the lack of integrity. The love of the truth and what is right is the main source of integrity. There is virtually no virtue that does not originate from truth. One who is always fond of making flippant remarks about his spouse and always assuming a carefree demeanor, cannot have a successful marriage as one who bears about him the impression of a man among men by his integrity and decorous bearing. A woman of integrity when in the midst of difficult marital problems, will be able to see where she is, able to understand what the occasion calls for, and able to master her conditions instead of being overwhelmed by them. Throwing in the towel immediately there are challenges is wrong. Trying to justify it with a sorts of excuses is equally wrong. Couples that are married for years disagree but they find ways to agree. It is not possible for a couple to agree in all situations.
The erroneous belief that once you are married, you must be happy and if not you quit should be dicarded. When you took your marital vow, you gave your word to each other that you will do what you say you will do – to love, honor and cherish each other until death. But in reality, many couples don’t follow through. They stay in marriage only when things go smoothly. Once difficulties come, they separate or even divorce claiming, their needs are not being met by their partner; or “We are just incompatible.”
Marriage would have been easier if husbands and wives were exactly alike. You are in agreement in every decision. You had nothing to argue about. But this is not natural. If there are no contradictions between you, no checks and balances, no disagreements or second opinions then the relationship is artificial. And artificial things are known to have short life span. Oddly enough, tension can be good thing. It helps marriage to grow strong.
The first thing to do is to choose your spouse carefully. Don’t follow, “hit or miss” or “Trial and error” methods in the process you marry the wrong person, hoping someday luck will make the marriage work. I am not recommending, “Jump into the pool and swim or sink.” No sensible person should jump into a deep body of water, without first being proficient in swimming. Nor should any one embark upon marriage without the proper planning and preparation beforehand. Your planning and preparation should include attending marriage lectures in your church before your wedding so that marriage counselor can explain to you what marriage is all about.
In addition read books on marriage. There are many good ones to choose from. It is a great thing to form a habit of improving the mind at every opportunity that you get, no matter how short the time or how small the opportunity maybe. Attend marriage seminars and listen to seasoned marriage counselors talk. You will soon recognize with joy the fact that your life has been enormously enriched and blessed.
Remember when you took the marital vow; you didn’t say the vow to only your spouse but to God and all present at the wedding. Unfortunately, while God expects you to keep your vow, you fail to fulfill your obligation. You should not be surprised when challenges arose if you had been well counseled before the marriage, because there are normal in all marriages.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Claim of “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for divorce is inexcusable. You cannot just throw in the towel because challenges exist. Every couple has differences because no two persons exactly think alike. God created man and woman differently and they don’t think the same way, especially if they grew up in different environment and different culture. What has become obvious is that you have been unable to overlook your differences, so you gave up.
Most of the divorces were probably needless. In other words, these couples didn’t divorce because of serious problem like physical abuse, substance abuse, or infidelity, but rather because if issues such as immaturity, changes in lifestyle, or incompatibility. Their commitment to their marriage vanished when it became inconvenient. You have to persevere through the tough times that are inevitable during blending of personalities, whether you are happy or not. Once you understand yourselves better then happiness will follow.
Commitment is the cement that holds marriage together. It is the commitment of a couple to one another and their dedication to their marriage vow that actually seals the covenant made on the wedding day. It may interest you to know that you are not the only couple having marital difficulties. It is not all couples having problems head for the court seeking for divorce so why you. Some of the problems of these people are more complex than yours. No marriage is problem free. Some couples have had their own problems and found solutions; some are still having but still married. Marital difficulties come in all shapes and sizes. It could be financial, insensitivity, sexual problem, and lack of communication, barrenness or infidelity.
When you run into marital difficulties first and foremost ask yourself what does God want me to learn from this experience? You can now go further to think of things you can do to complement your spouse’s weaknesses. How you can be a blessing to your spouse in this circumstance instead of a curse. Then look at your husband or wife with compassion and encouragement instead of disgust and frustration. Then you will be a lot happier. Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
Most men take things for granted. They are not particularly sensitive to a woman’s feeling. So don’t become a crying baby because of this. Try to communicate to him what you expect. Make a conscious choice to overlook his weaknesses and focus on his strength. Plant in yourself the fundamental belief that marriage is for life, and try to make the best of it.
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